Let me say this before we get started: there is no clear description of what sports teams “are” at their core because they “mean” different things to different people. So even I have trouble explaining what I mean when I ask, “Are the Red Sox still the Red Sox?” There are the Red Sox, and there are the Red Sox is the closest connection I can think of, from the scene in Casino Royale when it says, “There are dinner jackets and there are dinner jackets.” Which ones are these, I wonder?
As shitposts do, this one was sparked by our own Jake Wallinger responding to Craig Breslow’s statement that he depended on “the vision to dictate the moves,” which led to this.
That made me consider WandaVision’s entire Ship of Theseus speech, as well as how the Sox provide a fantastic Ship of Theseus test case. This raised a few queries, one of which was: Who are the Red Sox? Do they hold up after a reconstruction akin to the Ship of Theseus? How in the hell did I find the time to watch WandaVision movies? And how did I find out about the Ship of Theseus there, having graduated from an institution steeped in Classics?*
*Check it out if you’re only now learning about it.
Pointedly, ever since A.J. Pierzynski became irate at the Sox’s recently infamous inaction in the Ken Rosenthal Unleashed (from the bowtie) interview, the question “What are the Red Sox?” had been circling around in my head. His tone made it clear that whatever was going on in Boston wasn’t the actual Red Sox, as he begged, “These are the Boston Red Sox.” Initially, I would have agreed with him, but then my second and third senses began to work and I began to wonder: Who were the true Red Sox?
What then are they? Sports fans are essentially “rooting for laundry,” as Jerry Seinfeld memorably observed. While there is more to it than that, on the surface, it is accurate. There truly isn’t a counterargument to “You play to win the game!” It’s right there, tautologically speaking. You enlist for a reason, and that reason is what it is.
But in the end, Seinfeld’s joke is exactly that—a jest. There’s more to a franchise than laundry. What’s particularly frustrating at the moment is the question of how much more than Tide Pods are at stake, and in what context.
These are critical considerations, particularly for the Red Sox, who were always seeking reinvention even in good times, and who somehow rode it to four titles in a 14-year span. The key queries at this point are: Were they always like this? And after that, was it simply their luck?
I believe I know the answers. To begin with, things weren’t always like this. There’s no denying that these owners are the greatest Boston has ever had. Second, they were extremely fortunate! I have no complaints. I am ecstatic about it. However, I believe the Sox brass started to exaggerate the significance of their previous achievements in the entire process, having been buoyed by nearly two decades of unprecedented success.
Whatever my opinion, it’s obvious today that at some point following the 2018 campaign, John Henry inquired about the team’s ability to win while spending less. Several people responded positively, and he took their word for it. You can hear him wondering, “Why would I stop now?” if their haphazard strategy for winning has proven to be so successful for 20 years.
Anyone who isn’t richer than God and/or supports a different team may see the answer: You wouldn’t! Trying was the only thing that connected Boston’s unearthly success.
There isn’t much to say if you take that out. The Sox were attempting something even back in 2013 that they aren’t doing now. That group was rewarded with a legendary championship. With a much lower aim, this one won’t be as fortunate.
Or are they going to? The Sox could bounce back and take home the championship in a few years. Not that I’m depending on it. That’s not, in my opinion, who they are. They seem to be far worse to me. However, what exactly are they?
To put it more locally, the Sox have gone local. It should only take a minute or two for those of us who haven’t lived in cities big enough to require express and local lanes to understand that the local train, or car, takes longer than the express train, or car, because it stops more frequently. The Sox are traveling slower as a result of their increased number of stops on their route to a championship. Correct? Yes. The express moves more quickly for every 99 times, but occasionally the local will catch up. You would be mistaken to believe that it can work every time if you only witness it occur once or twice.
That about sums up Henry’s actions following Dave Dombrowski’s firing: trying—and failing miserably—to uncover the next shortcut, barring a fortunate break in 2021. Certainly, 2021 is a significant year, but did it feel like a “real” Red Sox team? What’s more, just what is that? When do the Red Sox return to being the Red Sox if they haven’t been for a few years?
Sincerely, I have no idea. I am aware that the Sox don’t pass the Ship of Theseus exam. If the 2024 Sox had the same number of roster spots as the 2018 team, nobody would ever confuse them.
Nobody would be confused because the parts are not even close to being the same. The ship would drown right now.
Which implies that the laundry is the topic of discussion. It’s so filthy right now that I doubt it will ever get clean again, yet it might very well do so. However, those Red Sox won’t be these Red Sox. Long live the Red Sox! The Red Sox are dead. As of right present, they are hardly noticeable. They are difficult to hold onto right now. They’re only a vision for now.
